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| by Roger T. Pipe |
August 1, 2000
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| Summer is in full swing my friends, but rather than tell you how wonderful the weather in SoCal is, I have a special treat for you. Since both political conventions are just around the corner and everyone has running mate fever, I am going to suggest a few names from the world of porn who might make the Gore or Bush short lists.
Being the thorough and fair pundit we all know I am, I will list each potential candidate's pros and cons. Enjoy.
Max Hardcore
PRO- Speaks his mind and that cowboy hat is bound to go over well in the midwest.
CON- Don't the Gores have grand daughters?
Word on the street is that Haven (The Artist Formerly Known as Alyssa Haven.) is days away from finally signing a contract with a major company. That should make her appearances in Xplor's "Cherries 10" her final pro-am work and clear the way for bigger projects.
Houston
PRO- Could bring in votes by offering to gang bang anyone who shows up at the polls. Can teach either candidate how to turn eight votes into six hundred twenty.
CON- Neither Bush nor Gore really want anyone on the ticket older than they are.
Speaking of Brittany, she recently made an appearance at the New Jersey Sexpo. She was on hand to sign autographs, greet fans and shoot some more footage for her web site. Before she left, Brittany promised me that she was going to get into some trouble, so I expect to see some very hot shots published (Or directly in my mail box if she really cares) very soon.
Kid Vegas
PRO- By simply flipping off the camera, he already has more personality than Gore and probably knows where to score some good blow.
CON- Photos of him with guns are likely to scare off gun control nutballs.
Hopefully, some of you were on hand to catch the Tera Patrick web cast this month. The topic of this show was rather interesting. With Gene Ross on hand to help (And how did I not get in on THIS?) determine whether or not Tera's awesome rack is real or not. Although the answer to that question is clearly yes, I wouldn't have minded testing them out for myself. I guess we internet journalists have to be happy with an interview. Look for my sit down interview with Tera coming up next month. Believe me, it was interesting and quite revealing.
Ron Jeremy
PRO- He's funny, he's recognizable and he brings in the heavy back hair contingent.
CON- After Lewinski, do you really want a running mate who can suck his own dick on cue?
Another interview to look for next month is the one I did with Jon Dough. Jon has recently joined the Anabolic team, releasing the first video from his new series, "Bring 'Um Young" this month. You can guess what this line is about, but you know that it is high quality smut if Anabolic is behind it. What I want to know is when Jon's woman, Monique DeMoan is going to be in some more Anabolic movies.
Nina Hartley
PRO- Both candidates could use a female on the ticket. She'll help bring in the butt fetish crowd.
CON- Once given the mike, she will never, ever shut up.
The great Jasmin St. Claire wrestling mystery has finally been solved. With her porn career now in the rear view mirror, Jasmin is making regular appearances for ECW. Always thinking two steps ahead, she already has her eyes set on the big time, the WWF. Since she's busy granting interviews, I think I'll be able to track her down sometime soon and catch up on all of the details.
Serenity
PRO- Well spoken, gorgeous and with all those sex toys won't need interns.
CON- Sick and damn tired of being number two, and deserves the top slot.
Eden Rae continues to branch out, adding fetish star to her list of credits. Subtle Pictures is shooting her in a smoking fetish video. Her web site also features a host of new products with designs from her original oil paintings. There are also rumors about a semi-exclusive contract in the works. This deal would allow Eden to appear in her own productions as well as those shot by the mystery company.
Recently, Eden did a video for Access Instructional Media with her fiancée. Eden's fans may have even more videos to enjoy very soon.
Jenna Jameson
PRO- Easy on the eyes and quite media savvy.
CON- Within hours of being named to the ticket, would already be talking about leaving.
The much talked about Jenna Jameson flick "Dreamquest" is about to hit the streets. I had the chance to review what is said to be her final movie for Wicked and was quite impressed. Director Brad Armstrong has done a fine job on this adult epic. A high budget couples film with a huge cast, "Dreamquest" is one of the best examples of an adult feature with mainstream qualities.
For those of you less interested in dialog, make up and lavish locations, Jenna does have three and a half scenes in her last (Allegedly) Wicked pic. Sadly, only one of them is a boy/girl and it's not her best work. If this really is her final Wicked movie, then it will go down as an impressive acting performance in a well made movie, not as a volcanic chapter in her sexual career.
Jasmin St. Claire
PRO- Beyond the female appeal, both tickets could use a tough image.
CON- She hates everyone and isn't afraid to show it.
I know I can't be the only one caught up in "Survivor/Big Brother" mania. The reality based TV contests are pulling in huge ratings and I find myself unable to turn away. The inevitable questions arise, could Rog make it on the island with the other survivors? Hang out with a bunch of people who haven't showered in weeks, are eating whatever they can scrounge and wearing clothes so ragged you see through them? I can do that by just hanging out with a room full of porn critics.
What about being locked into the Big Brother house? Locked away with no porn for three months? Are you fucking crazy?
Billy Glide
PRO- Would certainly put an end to the 'Bush is dumb, Gore is dull' talk.
CON- Never mind potato, B-u-s-h or G-o-r-e would be a stretch.
This final bit just in. There have been rumors that Serenity might be hanging up her stiletto heels to become the biggest sex toy mogul in the business. However, the highly touted free agent has decided to ink a new deal, keeping her in front of the camera for a while longer. With at least four major companies vying for the services of the Blonde One, Serenity had plenty of contract offers to choose from.
This week, Serenity announced that she has re-signed with Wicked for two more years, with an option for more. No financial terms were disclosed, but from what I hear, it's an impressive deal. One of the most popular and beautiful stars in all of porn, Serenity will once again anchor the impressive Wicked roster, more than making up for the departure of on again-off again superstar Jenna Jameson.
Lexington Steele
PRO- Adds color to either ticket, is charismatic and cerebral.
CON- Does Gore want anything on the ticket stiffer than he is?
That's all we have time for this month dear readers. The Democratic convention is coming to SoCal and every out of work, unwashed, unshaven (And that's the women) loser in the country is crawling out from their rocks to invade our fair city. (For the record, I'm talking about the protestors, not the Democrats themselves.) With any luck, they will all take a wrong turn downtown and end up crossing paths with some still celebrating Laker Fans. Do you think protesters burn faster than their signs?
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