Dear DocXXX,
Why is it that men always seem to fall asleep right after sex? I like to cuddle afterwards, but my husband drifts off almost every time!
-- Wide Awake in Mid-America
Dear Wide Awake,
This is a common question, and a common peeve for many women. Although it does bother lots of women, I have to report that men who fall asleep directly after sex are merely giving in to biological forces beyond their control.
During orgasm, both men and women release the hormone oxytocin. This is the same chemical that the female body releases during breastfeeding, which is responsible for putting babies to sleep as they suckle. The chemical has the same effect on grown men as it does babies. Oxytocin is also known as the chemical that precipitates bonding between mother and infant during breastfeeding and it may be why women want to cuddle after sex.
There may be something you can do about it, though. Both men and women tend to hold their breath during sex, in an effort to sustain the tension that is often required to bring the body to orgasm. By consciously breathing fully and deeply during sex, couples can lessen some of the urge to sleep after climax. So next time your hubby is about to reach his peak, remind him to take long, deep breaths.
This may help somewhat, but I must warn you that much of this is beyond anyone's control. It's the hormones!
-DocXXX
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